I think this is gonna be the most important post. What I’m gonna say here is the reason behind the other posts and the creation of this blog, so… Pay attention? Goddamn.
Well, here we go.
As my description says, I’m a college student and Literature is my career.
Now, what’s the problem?
When I was in school, the last 2 years of school to be more precise, I was pretty sure of my decision about choosing Literature. I loved and still love to read, enjoyed writing and all that stuff, and on top of that, I met the greatest Literature teacher ever. She was amazing, kind and knew lots of things, and since the first day I met her, I thought “It’s gonna be Literature”.
Pretty idealistic, right? That was the old me, thinking she could fight the whole world in order to do what she wanted.
And like every cliche movie, life decided to be life and made some things happen.
Last year of school, I passed the admission exam of one of the most important Universities here. At this point, everyone knew I was going to study Literature and people looked at me either the wow, she’s gonna make her dreams come true, how brave way, or the what’s she gonna do with Literature? Be a professor? She’ll be poor way. But I didn’t care; naive and idealistic as I was, just dismissed those bad comments and continued doing my thing.
(N/A: I was with G when I received the notice that I had passed the exam, and we cried together because it was such a beautiful moment. It made us even more close, and I can say she was with me on the most important day of my life, at least until today).
Anyways, time passed until the day I finally went to University. The very first day.
Since there’s nothing important there, I’ll skip that part. We’ll go to the moment I managed to be friends with two people that were going to the same career as me: a guy, and S.
When meeting people you share things in common with, passionate conversations about those things is something you may expect, am I right? Well, that was what I was expecting, at least. For us to talk about why we chose Literature and what plans we had about the future.
None of it happened.
If so, I’ve never met anyone that… I don’t know how to say it. Lemme give you an example:
Him: so why did you two chose Literature?
Me: oh, because I love to read and write, and I think I could be a writer, y’know, and then maybe I’d travel all over the world and-
S: i don’t know.
Him: yeah, me neither. What are we gonna do with it, anyway? We won’t find a job, you know. Did you really thought it’d be easy?
And then they would laugh at me for being the naive one, thinking I could find something to do with Literature as a career that wasn’t teaching. Another reason: that I wanted to really study. They found that pretty funny.
What was University to them, then? Why were they here, studying an useless career?
“It’s just a social construction”.
So what happened? You all can guess just fine: I started to believe them. I started to think “they’re right, why the fuck did I do this?”, or “I’m wasting my money”.
I stopped caring. It wasn’t like I stopped going, but I was just attending class without actually listening a thing. And over all, I started questioning my decision, wondered if maybe I didn’t go a little too fast and this was what I really wanted to do.
And semester ended with me failing one course. He left us to hangout with another group of guys, so I was left with S and we became best friends.
It sounds stupid, right?
But the worst wasn’t even that. It was about to come.
This post is big af and I’m not done with it yet. Next thing will be yhe second part.