Friends issues/stuff

Some things

I have something to tell you.

Some days ago, B called me. 

It was a unknown number and when I answered and she said “hello”, I immediately knew it was her. Not gonna lie, I didn’t expect that, caught me off guard. She said that her number was no longer the one I had saved, but this one. Changed it like a week or so ago. I was speechless.

What happened after that? Huh.

She acted as if nothing had happened. I did the same.

Quite easy to do, since she was just asking a lot of questions, so I followed and that. 

Then she said she wanted to visit me.

I didn’t know how to react, so I said that I was busy at the moment and maybe another time. It was true, my exams weren’t over yet. Oh, okay, she said. Then she said he needed to leave and I’ll text you. I seriously couldn’t believe my ears but told her yeah, sure. Then we hang up. 

I told S about it and she was like “well, that’s nice!”, And nope, I didn’t feel like nice at all. 

It might sound petty, but why did she call me? Like, she never does that. Not to mention that we stopped talking for a whole month and before that I have always been the one who calls, but either she was soooo busy or just didn’t pick up her phone. So I’m serious when I ask it. 

The thing doesn’t end there, tho.

The next day she called again. Since my phone was on silent mode, I didn’t hear it, but saw the notification later. I returned the call.

And boy, It’s never been that awkward with her before. I didn’t know what to say at all. She told me again that she wanted to visit me and again I told her I was busy and that she couldn’t just come whenever she wanted and without warning me before. She got used to doing that when she was the busy one and would just call and ask me if I was there, which I was and eager to see her, I accepted. But not now. 

Anyways, after that, we were in silence and god, I just wanted to hang up. I ended hanging up because my dog was eating something (he saved me, bless him) and yup, that was it.

We haven’t talked since then. I’m not sure if she noticed I didn’t want to talk, but if she did, she haven’t said a thing about it. 

S says that I should talk to her and explain how I feel, but I just- It’d be like talking about this totally out of the blue, because since we’re not talking snd everything is supposed to be “okay”, it’ll probably be really weird for her and that will make things kinda awkward. Besides, what if I tell her everything and she ends up feeling obligated to talk to me? I’d hate that. And that’s where I’m stuck: I don’t know what I want. I don’t have expectations, I just don’t know anything. Sometimes I feel like ending our friendship, sometimes not.  

So yeah, that’s how things are.
Oh, right. Exams are over. I’m sure I’ve passed 4 out of 5 courses, I’m just waiting for the last grades. And looking for a job.

Gotta go. See ya. 

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